[Kaikuro] Game of Life

[Karura Kotoko]

“Of course you can, you have free will. Free will to walk away…” She pointed out, briefly interested in a bug that crept through a crack in the sidewalk. It wasn’t like she was going to chain him by the neck and tug him around as she showered him with objects. When he recoiled, she backed away, immediately sensitive to the reaction. It was always such fun, poking around until you stumbled into people’s limits and discomfort. So far, despite how things must have looked, she spared him little consideration.

The gang members had merely been in her way, and by their very function, needed to be shown a lesson. He, on the other hand, represented a concept, the weak non-bender, helpless in face of bender oppression. Even now, what she offered would not inconvenience her. As a weapon manufacturer of not always legal persuasion, the people she dealt with paid substantially for what she had to offer. Financially secure and always avid for curiosities, she found his state quite curious. It was through people like looked as he did that she came to hear the wildest of tales and the most interesting of details. If she had patience to dig enough.

It was obvious today that she did not have patience, her tactless acts appalling if she had truly wished to learn of something specific. No, today she merely wished some entertainment, some distraction from the normal course of her mind.

He was being compliant and she sighed, feeling slightly irritated, but by what? The way he added such inevitability to scenarios he was granted, perhaps. Maybe he was just being thoughtful and it wasn’t a grand sign of subservient passiveness. Karura had the grand gift and fault of reading too much into details, sometimes creatively so, expanding away from the truth and into fantasy. The prerequisite of a potential novelist, as she liked to dream when envisioning herself old.

“So tell me Kai. What binds you to Republic City?”

[Kaikuro]

((LOLL it took me forever to realize your reply ended up on a new page xD Sorry it took me so long.))

As he followed behind her, he felt more and more uncomfortable. He felt as though he was annoying her. Her impatient mannerisms and lack of tact rubbed him the wrong way, but he wouldn’t say anything about it. He let her lead the way, and he followed, part of him hoping they would stop by some sort of clothier. The longer he stayed in his wet clothes, the more cold and miserable he felt. He did his best to hide it from her, though, but he was wavering, his discomfort showing through much more than he preferred.

When she asked him of his origins, he hesitated, thinking over his answer for a few minutes before he responded carefully. “…I w-was born in the Fire Nation. But, after a while, I d-d-decided to move here.” Karuka may or may not be able to detect that, although not an outright lie, it wasn’t the complete truth. No, far from it. She asked a vague question, she got a vague answer. Kaikuro inwardly hoped she wouldn’t ask for clarification of details.

“What about you?” He asked, hoping to change the course of the subject. “Are you d-d-descended from any particular nation? And where did you learn to f-fight like that?”

[Karura Kotoko]

She had not actually expected him to have been born on the lands of another nation, her question, even in its vagueness, directed at finding out what kept him within the city, though answers quickly gathered in her mind, some of them being poverty and sickness. Wondering if her tone had been off, which it may as well have been, as jabs of pain assaulted her every other step and made it hard to focus on stepping normally. She decided she would work with the insights provided. “The city doesn’t seem to be treating you too well,” she remarked, “if you don’t mind my saying.” It was an inviting observation, urging him to comment, but she didn’t expect he would take the bait. He had been short about it to begin with and it had taken him literally minutes to say it.

She considered his questions and answered immediately. “I was born in the city,” she revealed simply. “As for fighting, it’s been an ongoing hobby. I started early, continued until this day, various instructors, even more varied practice partners.” Even if she wanted to be very specific it would be greatly troublesome to list all of the influences she had received along the way, she didn’t even remember all of them. Sparring was like pai sho, tactful and shared with anyone who wished a match. If he was referring to chi blocking, he had been too unspecific about it. When they passed the first clothing store on their path, she swerved towards it, drawing the door open and waving him inside like a hostess, offering a little smile.

If he walked in, she would come in right after, her eyes quickly taking in the general atmosphere, noting those present, catching one of the shop vendors peering their way and quickly wiping the expression off her face when spotted. She had rarely visited this particular shop. “Let me know if you see anything satisfactory,” she said, hoping he would take this opportunity to change into whatever he chose in the changing room and take his dirty clothes in a bag. “While you’re selecting, contemplate this: what do you live for?” That question was always a fascinating one to hear answers to, however vague.

[OOC: What are you talking about, your reply was super fast. :P

Edit: stupidity, "city" instead of "Earth Kingdom"]

[Kaikuro]

“The city doesn’t seem to be treating you too well, if you don’t mind my saying.”

Kaikuro chuckled quietly. “N-no, it’s fine… p-p-perfectly fair observation, though I’ll have to say you’re wrong about it.” He smiled that usual smile of his- a bit lopsided, with those crooked teeth and uncomfortable look in his eye. “The city t-t-t-treats me very well… better than I deserve.” It occurred to him, of course, that he might have said too much. But at this point, he was caring less and less.

When she spoke of sparring, Kaikuro nodded in understanding, though it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to know. He had only seen chi-blockers once or twice, and he was always astonished- and horrified- at their ability to tear someone’s power away. He, of course, kept his ‘horrified’ emotions to himself. She saved his life, so he had no place to tell her that her ability was frightening to him. He was no Bender, but all the same, he had a habit of putting himself in someone else’s shoes.

Still, he made no further comment asking her for clarification. As he followed her down the street, he entered the clothing store and gave her a quiet “thank you” as she left the door open for him. He stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment, looking about the store, before he quietly began to browse.

“While you’re selecting, contemplate this: what do you live for?”

Kaikuro stopped in his tracks, even as he was clutching the sleeve of an inexpensive jacket he found. He cast Karuka a glance over his shoulder. For the most part, he was expressionless, though the glance in and of itself communicated his shock.

“Th-that’s quite a question to ask a stranger.” He said, turning back to the jacket and moving on to a somewhat plain shirt he saw nearby. It seemed he was selecting clothes based on the price tag, picking out whatever looked cheap. Slipping a shirt off the rack, he held it carefully to avoid pressing it against his damp clothes. “And a question I’ve a-a-already the answer to… I think about it every day.”

He selected a cheap pair of pants in the same general fashion of his shirt- they were long, dark in color, the fabric was inexpensive and the style somewhat bland. Looking over at Karuka once more, he responded, “I live for redemption, until death finds me first.”

[Karura Kotoko]

Allowing him browsing privacy, she busied her eyes with looking at some bags, although she intended to buy nothing. She was more of a specific designers sort of person, always needing everything altered to fit secret pockets. When his answer surprised her she didn’t show it, listlessly picking up and replacing purses. So he found himself unworthy of comfort and respect, or maybe his situation was brighter than his current appearance suggested.

Her question took him by surprise; she turned her head just briefly to catch his glance. Of course it was an unusual question, if he was expecting a nice little conversation about the weather and hobbies she might as well spoil that illusion early. She tried to convey that thought through her moderately blank stare and casual extra blinking. If information was the price for her treats, he sure was trying to reveal as little as possible by his clothing selection.

She quirked an eyebrow at his words. Every day? She didn’t look away, inspired to stare by anticipation. Now that wasn’t something she expected. “That’s usually a long quest,” she commented, finally gazing away, returning a final purse to the shelf. “How is it going?” She didn’t understand people who lived in guilt, it always sounded like rejecting a part of yourself. Whatever he had done, he couldn’t have done against his nature, unless it had been accidental, in which case guilt was stupid.

A shop assistant crept up next to them at that moment. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” Karura gave her a brief smile, then looked to Kai. “You could give her the price tags to those and change into them?” She offered a suggestion, readying to attend to the payment as he stepped out of his discomfort. Before he could reply she grabbed a towel from not too far away and handed that to him also. “You may find a use for this.” If it had been her, she would have liked to thoroughly towel off any moisture. It was during times like these that she lamented not being a waterbender.

[Kaikuro]

“That’s usually a long quest,” The woman told him, after watching him for a few moments. “How is it going?”

Kaikuro’s usual smile rose crookedly on his face. His response barely rose above a whisper- Karuka may or may not be able to hear it. “I might as well be dead.”

He gave the price tags to the assistant, took the towel gratefully, lowered his head in a bow to her, and slipped away to the dressing rooms. When inside, he peeled his wet clothes from his body, slipped out of his soaked shoes and toweled himself as dry as he could. He furiously worked the towel through his hair until it stuck this way and that in a wild mess.

When he was dry, he gratefully put on his new clothes and shoes. His shirt was a little too big for him and his shoes felt a little too tight around his large feet, but he couldn’t complain. Gathering his wet clothes in a bag, he headed out of the changing rooms looking much more refreshed- at least, as refreshed as a sickly, scrawny man could look.

“Thank you for this…” He said again, “…It… f-f-feels a lot better to be dry now,” He grinned over at Karuka. He resisted the urge to offer some manner of compensation again- already she made it clear what she valued in return. He only wondered how much he could tell her. There was only so much he felt comfortable explaining, and anything more was pushing it for a stranger.

"Where... where m-m-might we be going now?"

[Karura Kotoko]

Karura’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully as she stared unseeing into a mirror. The frustration of failure was something she could understand. “You can’t give up,” she said firmly just before he turned to walk away. The day you admitted defeat was the day you died, if not in the literal sense, surely on the inside. Karura didn’t know how to stop pushing for her goals. Ever since the course of her normal life had been altered irreparably she focused very intensely on larger scale endeavors, as if one person could make a change. It frequently made her demonically objective as well, oftentimes insensitive to the needs of any one individual over the greater whole.

Kai left to dress and Karura tightened her fist around a scarf she actually intended to purchase. It was such a pretty blue, a mix between sky and sea with dark rivulets of color over them. Walking to the counter with the shop assistant, she handed in its tag also and pulled out the required sum when it was made clear to her, paying for all of them. Everything cost about as much as a meal for two at a fancy restaurant. Her purse barely noted the lost yuans.

Thanking the vendor and throwing the scarf over her neck to avoid discomforting herself with a tiny bag, she turned and waited. Moments later, Kai walked out of the dressing area, looking much less street rat than he had done when retreating. Karura nodded her approval. He thanked her and she smiled, a fraction of it actually reaching her eyes.

At his question, she pivoted on a foot and turned to walk out of the store. “To eat at Lorri’s Delicacies,” she replied, pushing through the door and handing it to him as she stepped out. There was nothing like a little fight to give her appetite for spices. Lorri’s was famed for their use, although there was an entire section for the less adventurous clients as well.

She walked ahead at a moderately rapid pace, not in a hurry, just her usual manner, like a person used to having no one beside them and radiating an aura that didn’t even encourage invading her ample private space. “You don’t need to answer this but: what are you trying to redeem yourself for?”

[Kaikuro]

Kaikuro looked her over, taking note of the new scarf, and he nodded a little as she began to leave. He hated spicy food, but he didn’t mention it. He was sure he could find something mild enough to his liking at the restaurant… assuming he made it that far.

Her next question gave him pause, even though he managed to keep pace with her. She walked uncomfortably fast for what he was used to, and he was more than a step or two behind her. His mind whirled. Should he tell her? Memories sparked unbidden into his mind as he considered his options. Should he tell her his story? The reason why he was running? The reason why he was starving? The reason why he hated himself?

Pondering those reasons, in and of themselves, forced him delve deeper, and bring to the surface what he was content to leave bubbling in the bottom of his emotional cauldron. And when his answer to her question came to the tip of his tongue, he stopped in his tracks.

This whole thing was stupid.

As of now, he saw the whole situation he was in adding up to one thing: fate. Not just anyone would help a complete stranger from being mugged and then begin to ask them such deep and probing questions. This had to be fate, challenging him to take a closer look at what he was doing. And if he didn’t measure up… fate would respond accordingly. He needed to be ready to face the consequences, of whatever fate decided.

He saw Karuka in a completely different light at that moment. Someone who had the power to decide what he was worthy of. And that decision… could very well change everything.

“L-l-listen…” He murmured quietly, “…I’m sorry. I… I w-w-wasn’t thinking things through.” Rubbing at his temples, he looked over at her, hoping she would stop to listen for a moment. If she kept going, he would keep following, but he preferred to stop.

“…I’ll tell you… but I w-want you to consider this first. When you know what I am… you’ll h-have to decide f-f-for yourself whether or not I’m worth anything to you and to the world. I… s-should have considered this from the beginning, before I already took from you.” He tugged loosely at his shirt, gazing at her apologetically.

He would try to meet her eyes if he could, swallowing hard, though nothing could dislodge the uncomfortable lump in his throat. “…I’m a murderer. And… n-not just men. I’ve killed children, too.” He whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. There was nothing but agony in his voice, the weight of his confession bearing down on his shoulders and forcing his head to drop. “…Now you c-c-can decide whether or not I’m worth anything- food or clothing… let alone, living.”

[Karura Kotoko]

As she walked at her own pace, her eyes drew in the coldness of the lone observer. While he stayed silent, she slowly forgot about his presence, even though still faintly aware of his steps trudging behind her. Every step she took vibrated in her lower spine, sending up mild jolts of pain she ignored with furious indifference. A normal person would walk with careful steps, stiffening every time they felt the sting, but she stomped through it. It was symbolic of how she lived her life, always defiant in front of limitation, trying to beat up her own weakness until it either overwhelmed her or went away.

Quiet stutters came from Kai’s way. She blinked away detection mode as she twisted around to face him, straight, feet firmly planted on the ground and she listened as she had been beckoned. Through his discourse her expression didn’t change. Karura just stared like a cobra possessed of only instinctive watchfulness, with eyes just as viciously blank. Every little thing he had said earlier suddenly made sense, the little dots connecting quickly in her mind and weaving into impressions. When his eyes rose to meet hers, her blue orbs narrowed just a fraction.

Soon enough his head dropped and he sagged into the cushion of his agony. For a long few moments there was nothing but silence and the sounds of the street. Birds chirping in a nearby tree, a motorcycle passing on the road, a couple of pedestrians coming onto their street.

Then Karura advanced to stand in front of him. Within an instant her hand shot up to grab him by the neck and if she managed to, her grip would be strong, the fingernails she kept hidden under gloves pressing into his skin, but not strong enough to obstruct his breathing. “How dare you?” She asked in a dangerously low tone, anger finally pooling freely in her eyes. “How dare you invest me with such power of judgement?” It was as if he had known what she always struggled with and was trying to become her own personal test. Every day she reminded herself to remain humble and know that her opinion mattered only as much as anyone else’s. Every day she tried to avoid thinking that she could decide others’ fate, that she was somehow entitled to, because of the gifts she possessed. No one had the right to decide another’s fate.

She would let him go (if she had grabbed him at all) as quickly as she had gripped him, shoving him back in the process. “You’re more pathetic than I thought,” she mused aloud, her tone and gaze back to normal. “You were unable to keep the beast within you from rampage and then proceeded to live in agony, allowing yourself to deteriorate to the ridiculous point where you’re little if no use to anyone or anything.” She watched him with cold eyes, pitying him.

“You should get over yourself. Instead of endlessly lamenting the disfigurement of your own soul, become useful. Save a life where you took one.” She looked away then, now knowing why he had instinctively irked her. It was these self-obsessed, self-punishing morons that she despised, who spent more time wallowing in the events of the past instead of trying to be the best they could be to add to the future. She didn’t know how it had happened for him, but she knew what she saw in his current attitude.

When she looked back to him her eyes were burning. “People who kill children don’t deserve to die. They have to live and eat and become strong, so strong they can save twenty kids for each one they ended.” She waved for him to follow, more like an order than a request this time as she resumed walking. “Welcome back to life Kai, from this day forth I'll be supervising your redemption.” He had bestowed her with powers of decision and she wasn’t going to deny him the burden he had tossed on her shoulders. “Starting right now, you’re no longer allowed to wallow in self-pity and you need to take care of yourself, become someone others can rely on.” She paused from speech only briefly, her tone coming in lower in the end. “And if you refuse, I may just send you to this grave you’re craving.”

[Kaikuro]

He saw it in her eyes, saw the rage there, and he knew what was going to come next. Her fingers clutched his throat, and he knew she was going to kill him. His heart jumped, pounded in his chest, yet he kept his expression as blank as he possibly could. He couldn’t help his body’s reactions, his natural response to fear in the situation. He couldn’t keep himself from sweating, keep his heart still and calm, but he could control how he responded to her. He stared into her eyes with a look of acceptance.

“How dare you?”

He fought the urge to shut his eye and await the inevitable: he knew she was going to snap his neck.

“How dare you invest me with such power of judgment?”

She released him. He gasped for air, staggering as she shoved him backwards, narrowly avoiding tripping over his own two feet and collapsing on the sidewalk. Rubbing his neck, he glanced over at her. He took a deep breath, genuinely surprised at the fact that he was still alive, still standing. A shudder coursed through his body and he said not a word, listening to her chastising remarks, his face speaking nothing other than shock.

He had never been approached like this before. Her words were so contrary to everything he had told himself he needed to believe, everything he decided to live by. He felt lost, confused. He wanted to argue, but couldn’t. Why argue against someone who was telling him to live? Did he really know what atonement was, or was she the one who was right?

His gaze dropped to the ground and he stood there blankly, his eye wide and his body still as a statue. Unmoving, unblinking, he listened to her speak with no rebuttal, no remark in return…

“Welcome back to life Kai, from this day forth I’ll be supervising your redemption.”

Surprised, his gaze shot back up to her. He blinked. “…W-w… w-what?”

“Starting right now, you’re no longer allowed to wallow in self-pity and you need to take care of yourself, become someone others can rely on.” After a pause, “And if you refuse, I may just send you to this grave you’re craving.”

He felt like she had dropped an anvil on his head. He stared at her in disbelief, struck, confused, utterly at a loss of words. He hardly even realized that he was trembling, his hands shaking and his knees instinctively beginning to knock together. Fate had smacked him in the middle of a crossroads- this definitely wasn’t what he was expecting to come out of this encounter and he certainly wasn’t expecting her to respond this way.

Giving her the burden of this decision wasn’t his intention, but in the end, it happened, and it was his fault. As usual, he didn’t think things through before speaking, even as he thought he was making the right choice. He had burdened the stranger and now she had left him to make a decision that could very well change the course of his life. He stood there in silence, as though in a trance. It wasn’t an easy choice to make in a split second. He didn’t even know how serious she really was. Did she really mean to ‘supervise his redemption’? And for how long was she going to commit to that? He didn’t even want her to commit to anything! It was a chance encounter- a stranger!

How did this happen?

Swallowing hard, Kaikuro tried to speak, but every word failed to form into something meaningful. “I… I-… I… I d-… d-d-don’t… you-… th… the-…” He stopped trying to speak for a moment, running his tongue over his dry lips and trying harder to form a coherent sentence. “…I… w-wasn’t expecting… you to… say that…” He whispered. “…I d-… d-d-didn’t … intend for you to f-f-feel responsible for my redemption… it’s not your burden.” He struggled to still the trembling in his shoulders, hugging his arms against his chest. “…I honestly d-d-don’t even know if it’s worth the trouble. I d-d-don’t even think it’s possible for me to be strong… I d-don’t know if it’s worth your time, looking after me. If you want to kill me, g-go ahead. If you d-d-don’t, let me go. Return to your life and I’ll return to mine… and you can forget this ever happened.”

Perhaps, his words were unfair to her. He did expect her to make a decision of sorts, he did see her has a factor of fate, but what he was expecting was whether or not she would find him worthy to feed- even more so, he expected her to turn him into the authorities if she was too offended at his confession. But he certainly wasn't expecting her to leave him with this sort of decision and burden her with his own pursuit of redemption. Backpedaling now was his instinctive reaction, but he couldn't exactly un-ring any bells he already rang.

It wasn’t that he was completely against her idea. In the end, he was simply still digesting what she said. It was a lot to take in at once for a man who lived so long believing how he lived was the best for his situation, and then someone told him otherwise. He didn’t want to take her up on it, either, simply because of the commitment it would be for her sake. In the end, he was still standing at a crossroads, and the decision was too hard for him to make in an instant.